


Crookshanks Revenge

by madeleone



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Drabble Series, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 13:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeleone/pseuds/madeleone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione stages an intervention between Severus and Crookshanks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crookshanks Revenge

"HERMIONE!"

She popped her head into the doorway. "You bellowed, oh great one?" she inquired politely.

"What is the meaning of this?" He demanded, pointing at the floor on his side of the bed.

She walked around the end of the bed and looked down seeing nothing there but his shoes, neatly placed next to the bed, just as he left them every night when he took them off.

"I don't understand," she said, puzzled. "It looks like your shoes to me."

"They are my shoes, and your eff-ing cat has shat in them!"

~*~

"What? My cat... shat... in your shoes, you say?" Her hand crept up to cover her mouth, she couldn't let him see the smile creeping onto her face. "Are you sure?"

"Look for yourself," he growled, pointing downward.

Leaning forward she stared to see that, yes, there was indeed a pile of kitty turds in not just one shoe, but in both of them. Carefully placed, as if Crookshanks were making a point. This was not some innocent, random action on his part, but an intentional act of revenge.

Hermione bit her lips together.

~*~

He stared at her in disbelief. "Please, tell me you are not laughing about this!" he demanded. "This isn't funny!"

She quickly banished the evidence, scourgified his shoes and did a refreshing spell as well.

"I'm sorry, Severus. Honestly..." She broke down into uncontrolled giggles. "I did warn you not to alienate Crookshanks, he is very intelligent, he's half-Kneazle, after all. He's my familiar and he's used to being with me; when you banished him from our rooms it hurt his feelings."

"Hurt his?... Alienate?... But... but... he shat in my shoes, Hermione." He whined.

~*~

Several hours later, the three sat on the sofa, Severus at one end, Hermione with Crookshanks on her lap at the other end.

Severus glared at the Beast. The Beast glared back, as he insinuated himself into Hermione's good graces, rubbing up against her, butting her with his head.

"Now, you two must make friends with each other," she demanded.

They both turned to glare at her, as if to ask, "Witch, are you insane?"

Severus sneered and turned his nose up in distaste.

Crookshanks growled deep in his throat, his fur puffing up all over his body.

~*~

"I mean it. Severus, Crooks is my familiar, he's been with me through many hard times and he means a lot to me."

Crookshanks purred and looked smugly at Severus.

"And, Crooks, Severus is my husband, my chosen mate. I love him with all my heart."

Severus preened at her words and looked just as smugly back at the Beast.

Hermione stood, placing Crookshanks down on the sofa. "I'm going to leave you two together, and you had better work it out between you if you know what's good for you." With that she left the room.

~*~

There were several minutes of dead silence as the two stared at each other.

Finally Crookshanks made the first move; he slunk across the cushions to sit next to Severus leg, looking up at him. Finally he butted his head against Severus' hand.

"Oh, very well," said Severus as if he completely understood the silent communication. "I'll admit, we both love her. And as such we're going to have to learn to get along."

The Beast nodded.

"You've been with her through a lot and I'm glad she had you to bring her comfort in hard times.

~*~

"But she's married to me now and I can assure you right now that I am not going away."

The Beast nodded again.

"Look, I'm not used to having an animal about, underfoot, I've never had a familiar. But I suppose, I shouldn't have thrown you out of our rooms and you should not have shat in my shoes."

The Beast nodded a third time, as if in agreement, and rubbed up against him. He made a noise deep in his throat and at first Severus thought Crookshanks was growling at him. Then he realized he was purring.

 

~*~

"Very well then," he said with a smile, as he scratched the Beast behind his ear. "We are in full agreement. For her sake, since we both love her very much, we will get along from this point on.

"But just so you know, cat, if you ever go back on this agreement, I know of a wide variety of potions uses for fresh Kneazle parts."

"Ouch! Bugger that!" he exclaimed as Crookshanks demonstrated he was not without defense of his own as he flexed his claws into Severus leg.

"Okay, I get the message."

~*~

Hermione returned to find Crookshanks curled up next to Severus on the couch.

Leaning over the back of the couch, her arms dangling over Severus' shoulders to scratch Crooks, she nuzzled Severus' neck with sloppy kisses. "Well, what did you two decide?" she asked.

"We negotiated," responded Severus tipping his face back to look up at her, his head pillowed between her breasts. "We both realized that you are the best thing either of us has ever had; and as such, we both intend to spend the rest of our lives making you as happy as possible."

 

FIN


End file.
